2004 - A Superstore Odyssey
By Brian Moore, CEO, EMR-NAMNEWS

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Background:

James Joyce Ulysses (Bloomsday 16^th June 1904)

From my first furtive foraging for insight in Molly Bloom’s soliloquy as a fourteen-year-old, James Joyce’s saga Ulysses has been for me a constant source of confusion and challenge. In 700 pages, Joyce attempted to capture the history of mankind in a single day in Dublin, 16^th June 1904, describing the wanderings of Leopold Bloom, a middle-aged commission-based seller of advertising space, all  (very) loosely based upon the mythical wanderings in Homer’s Odyssey.

With Bloomsday’s 100^th anniversary now upon us, and the benefit of a Jameson-induced reverie, it suddenly became obvious that Joyce genius lay not only in his monumental literary achievement, but that in fact his real value to NAMNEWS readers was to anticipate the arrival of Superstores by 100 years.

At the very least, it may serve as an aspirational roadmap for a comprehensive store-check, and is, with all humility, offered as such …

Incidentally, as an impoverished writer, Joyce economised by inventing stream-of-consciousness writing, thus lowering the printing costs (ink and paper) by avoiding the use of full stops, and writing in one, very long sentence. As a Mark of Craft and respect for Joyce we have adopted the same approach. Thanks to our normal deadline pressures and with apologies to all concerned, this Darlin Mss may seem lightly proofed, with possibly the same effect of confusing the author and most of the readers for years… 

Herewith, a NAMNEWS 700-word editorial summarising Joyce’s 700 page book:

2004 - A Superstore Odyssey

0800hrs enters newly-minted, fresh-bruised from man-to-man buying interview, Newkam crosses quickly to male grooming fixture carrying razors, bowl, mirror maximising instore Plumage by minimising shrinkage to ensure compliance and fairshare, before a buyer mindchange, reminder of early non-KPI days, try once more or F ID and revert to manual, before seeking relative safety of marketing department while option remains, meanwhile in next aisle, passes his father Ted bestowing a blessing upon a Big Issue vendor seeking a  pound, sees Newkam lecturing kids on a bit-of-order in back-to-school category…Oldkam pausing only to text-respond a flickering friendsreunited re-discovery, for old times sake, just a little harmful fun, really, begins to realise that in this store, all of life is present, birth-prevention to acknowledgement, to joyful anticipation, to facilitation, to celebration, annually, to growth, to coverage, to development, to schooling, to teening, to entertainment, two courting, to twinning, to travel, to insuring, to family, to re-schooling to nest-emptying,  ending in the funeral requisites category seeking friends-in  ultimate superstore, condemned to eternity of shopping…(why not organise layout of store to replicate 7 ages?…big picture of Life category, including  healthy food section + Wellbeing as guarantee of  fair-share years?), alternatively getalife move to Optimised Delicategory mix of inner organs of beasts and fowls, like thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, stuffed roast heart, liver slices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencod's roes, but for a member-of-public convenience-tang shopper, nothing beats availability of grilled mutton kidneys in instore eatery, optimising propensity with loyalty rewards, afterwards gent’s session reveals temporary hole in ceiling, where corroded pipes reveal strict adherence to first commandment of cowboy-building, ‘what you can see, do well, what you cannot, skimp’, funny, prestigious building attracts upmarket cowboys, same hats and boots, only better coverage, and converting flagship into albatross in the process… down in seaside category, custody-of-the-eyes as knowing shelf-filler provokes visually at the bottom shelf, a foot shorter…hopping down another aisle, gathering and buying, choosing and schmoosing with instore operatives, checking facings, gaps and compliance, searching for product, searching, re-adjusting favourite brands, bemusing bogofs, covering me-toos, could that be Jef HIMself coyly seeking shopping insights at their convenience? (I knew he would find full retirement impossible…), back to Vasst H&B category, memories amok, aWell, could that be Pete&Ger dominating haircare fixture? almost my age but not yet Molting, damn…(but appreciates an erudite phrase)…Oldkam continues down petfood aisle, spying marauding pidgeon, reflex shooaway but breeding-day’s flashback stimulates purchase (keeping wrapper for later scanning!) and guilt-scattering of seed in recompense, as instore siren announces drinks-sampling at every gondola end, mid-morning a bit early, but what harm taking a sip in each aisle as quality check, especially long day, with  Newkam copying every move, bet I can hold drink better, several sippings builds rosy-glow appetite for lunch in superb instore hostelry, reverting to Davy Byrne’s Guiness Dublin-brewed, reassuring original taste, having parked royal production, afterwards time for Throwaway bet on Royal Cup by SMS (why no instore  betting facilities?, on reflection, lots of betting instore…) and onstore, for that matter, funny how Green crossed Marks again, their Luc changed, sales price Rose, greencross again…back window reveals Kenmare store-visitor, checking skip-contents to identify discards of store-visit preparation, meanwhile down confectionery aisle struck again by shrinkage-ambivalence – empty chocolate wrapper or worse half empty lolly-pack on shelf signalling ‘grazing’ condoned by management, infact positive invite to helpself…time for a few more end-of-aisle snifters, buy now first-naming demonstrators, aiding their quota achievement and ensuring compliance, speaking of which, nearing checkout, a buzby has done scanning shopping-behaviour and entered insight analysis, while next-aisle witness AC Kneeling to audit lowest shelf, (thorough scanning validation), then to checkout area where Dave Emsee monitors checkout standards to checkout Bradfords’s contention that checkout operator checkout better than brightlights interpreter, cheek….barely time to join all-nighters for early instore-caff breakfast in final philosophic reconciliation with Newkam, each best n’ worse for wear, fond farewells amid copious promises, finally, with empty pockets and full trolley (18hour trip), staggered at last to pay at 0200hrs, heart going like mad, asked checkout-lady if she would take Amex, thankfully yes she said yes I will Yes.

Bidet 16^th June 2004

By Brian Moore, CEO EMR-NAMNEWS